It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
