if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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