he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
