and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
