Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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