this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina is very pro this idea
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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