He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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