Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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