You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
