I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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