Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize