Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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