last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
