Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This baby is an asshole
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
