you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize