just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Rumble strips road head = magical
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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