At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
