You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
