hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
