Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
