He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize