just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Houston, we have a squirter
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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