she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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