I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
