stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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