Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
