OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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