i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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