okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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