OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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