He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
