well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
