I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
