Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
