he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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