i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
