I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
