I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
