so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
