Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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