There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
