I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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