Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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