It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
