if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
