there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
