You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize