I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
