I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
