I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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