Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
