As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize