I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
