so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
