We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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