believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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