I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize