Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
