The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
