I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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