So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
