You really coming over, don't trick.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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