after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize