Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I will die if light touches me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
