never play flip cup with pint glasses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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