I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
