He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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